Self-Sabotage?

Yesterday morning after the alarm went off, Drew declared that he wasn't going to go to the gym. I took that as my cue to settle in for some more sleeping as well. Today, however, he got up and went off to the gym. I told him I was going to wake up, but I didn't. Well, that's not true. I did wake up every 9 minutes to press snooze. And I did wake up a couple of times and thought about getting out of bed. But I just couldn't make myself do it.

Then I started to wonder if I wasn't sabotaging myself? If maybe it isn't easier just to say, "oh, I broke my elbow and now I can't do any more triathlons this year" than it is to get my butt up and out of bed to do something? I also know myself pretty well and I know that the fact that my triathlon plans for the year are slipping away make it less and less likely that I'll actually make myself exercise.

I'm just a person who races to train. I need the fear factor in order to motivate myself to exercise and to push myself just a little bit more than I would otherwise. I think I'm naturally lazy. Which has worked out okay up to this point in my life, since I also naturally seem to eat okay and not have weight issues.

But, I like triathlon. Actually, I really love it. And I can't figure out why I'm doing this now and letting the possibility of doing New York or Timberman just slip away? I think that after running with Drew on Sunday and realizing how hard it was for me to run 4 miles, it all just snapped into place. Not surprisingly, I've lost a lot of fitness over the past five and a half weeks.

So, what do I do now? That's the big question. I'm still waiting for the doctor to give me a clean bill of health, which he'll hopefully do on June 15. Until then, I think I might just be in this weird funk for a few days. I still feel trapped and like I can't make any decisions until I talk to the doctor. In the meantime, I'm going to try to get out there and do some exercising. That's supposed to help with this sort-of stuff, right?